Fashion notes first . . .
Okay. Let me begin with the positives of Angelique's appearance. The hair. Vast, vast improvement. She lost the Pippi Longstocking plaits that were sticking out all over her head and it's a beautiful thing to behold. Very becoming. Not so impressed by her black swanky cocktail dress. I think Parker can pull off black, but somebody find that woman a lipstick. Her lips looked nearly as bad as that skanky chick's they had on the U.S. version of
What Not to Wear (yes, I watch reality TV. Deal with it
). Getting back to the dress. The cut outlined figure flaws that I don't think Parker really has. The bodice was cut so as to make her look dumpy and sloppy up top. And then the way that fabric gathered into her waist managed to make her look thick around the middle and hippier was so not flattering.
I see that they did up Marie Wallace's face in the post-vampire victim look pre-bite. You know, the dead white skin and the hollow looking eyes.
And modeling the dumb, young, Gothic governess attire, we have Maggie. I do think the up-do works for her and it's refreshing to see her in something that covers more than the top part of her upper thigh. (Yes, yes, I know micro-minis were the fashion, but who here is going to tell me they weren't damned sure that we were going to be treated to a shot of her underwear when she bent over in today's episode to fish her ring out of the fire?)
Oy. It's leopard and it's tacky and it's on my TV screen. Presumably Mrs. Schuyler Rumson took advantage of her husband's collapse to properly repack her belongings?
What is with all this fur? Did Orhbach's have some kind of a sale? Ugh to Liz's outfit with that enormous fur collar.
If there ever was a character who should not be encased in a London Fog trench, surely it is Willie Loomis. And ick on the hair.
Julia's do? Need I say more? Hideous outfit too. Grey turtleneck didn't help. Suit was pretty bad. Barnabas despite the artistic graying at the temples looked rather chic for once. We had Maggie in the bulky micro mini and then Willie as a clothed flasher so it was a somewhat dim sartorial gathering all around.
Onto the show . . .
I had to play the opening voiceover twice. Lara Parker informs us that Jeb went to exhume Paul and "to his horror" found that Paul was actually in his coffin. The implication being that this was a surprise. I suspect I missed some stuff (or not) because generally speaking when one exhumes a corpse, it's more common than not to find a body in the coffin.
Is like Nicholas the only one aware that Jeb isn't all that bright?
Okay, Megan, sweetie. Nicholas is clearly not a regular joe. The first indication of that was oh, I dunno, when you were making the smoochies with your foster son there and there was the bolt of lightning, and the power blew out and instead of the voice of John Huston, you saw Nicholas standing in the doorframe full of wrath and doom. Sooo maybe, just maybe, it would be a good idea to do the math and think twice before threatening Nicholas. Just a suggestion.
Meanwhile back in the land of the lifestyles of the rich and nouveau riche, we have Mr. and Mrs. Schuyler Rumson. Again, I have to wonder. What on earth does the devoted Mrs. Rumson
see in this dork? For that matter, let's ask a much more pressing question: someone want to tell me how exactly Sky has been an integral part of the Leviathan conspiracy? And don't tell me it's the money, because we've learned that they gave him that. God knows, he's got the business acumen of a sock so how the hell is he a help to the Cause?
Awww, isn't that sweet? Sky wants to include the missus in on the brainwashing
Still on the topic of our Financier/Soldier for the Cause. He's none too perceptive, is he? His wife and Nicholas meet. Jaws hit the floor and she's staring at Nicholas with pure hatred and he's thrilled that his two favorite people are getting along so well!
Nicely written and acted scene between Parker and HAA. They always seem to play so well together and it's a pleasure to watch their scenes. I wish I could say the same about Geoffrey Scott.
That is a really abysmal job of packing. Yes, yes, she's in emotional turmoil, but I'm thinking that even in her circumstances I could have done better than throwing a skirt, a blouse that does not match it, a handful of bras, slips, and one of the hubby's ties in a suitcase (although that proved to be very convenient).
So like did Sky go traipsing around the entire house waving a flaming poker? Are there now some singed window treatments elsewhere?
Well, hey there. See, the advantage to bigamy (and I say this only because Angelique is always quick to remind Barnabas that they are married) is that if the one marriage falls apart, you always have another spouse to fall back on.
Maybe it's just me, but that looked like one serious token of affection there that Maggie accepted. She just took it without even a "Barnabas, you shouldn't have."
Oh, fine time to say, "Gee, I'm sorry. I just f*cked up your life so that I could make Barnabas jealous." And Quentin's pretty casual about it too. And when exactly was she happy at the Old House? Talk about selective memory. Oh, yeah, those great old days, when Barnabas was busy hating your guts and pining after Josette. Remember that beautiful wedding day where the ghost of Jeremiah covered your gown in blood? And oh, who can forget that warm and fuzzy moment when Barnabas hung his ex's portrait over the mantel. Good times, those.
Man. but Sky gets dumber every time we see him. First he's all gung-ho about setting the trophy wife on fire and then he thinks they can let bygones be bygones and they can make nice-nice??? Color me surprised that Angelique decides to take a pass.
Anyhow, moving on, 'cause Angelique sure is. Less than twenty-four hours ago, she was the picture of wedded bliss. Now he's dust in her memory and she's going back to Barnabas. Sure. That worked so well for her before. Bound to be a success.
But no. Heh.
Sucking face in front of the kiddies
Committing the sin of exposition not so bright either. I wonder if Amy would have been so quick to run and tattle to Mrs. Stoddard if they'd restricted their activities to tonsil hockey.
Ice-Queen Liz to Save the Cause. Good to see that the old family traditions like incarcerating people in disused portions of the house haven't died out.
Willie. Hear my voice through the fourth wall and RUN AWAY. Just get in the car and drive and don't stop until you're past the county limits. Just go. No, Willie. Ignore Ice-Queen Liz. Get in the car and drive AWAY. DRIVE AWAY. Now is not the time to think. Just go. GO NOW. (sighing) Too late.
Apparently Mrs. Johnson is going to have a very unpleasant hour with a mop and an industrial carpet cleaner tomorrow.
Gee, Angelique is going to be even more pissed than she already was. Maggie and Barnabas are an item. Maggie's staying in the same house
and she's sleeping in the bedroom that Angelique had earmarked for herself. Don't want to be around when she finds
that out.
Willie, don't argue. Ignore Julia. If she wants to be that self-sacrificing about herself, that's her business. All you ever did was try and grave rob. You don't owe these two clowns zip. JUST GET IN THE CAR AND GO!
So. Voice of reason again. Where did Maggie's pink nightie come from? She's "a good girl" so I can't quite believe that she's been sleeping with Barnabas and keeps a few things in his sock drawer. Last time I checked she and Willie were fleeing for their lives through the west wing of the house. What? They ran into town, stopped at the store, then ran back to the estate and ran back to the Old House?
Dear God. Watching Jeb and Barnabas go at it is like watching Jett Rink trying to lord it over Bick Benedict in
Giant and I don't mean that in a good way.
Okay. Julia goes back to Collinwood and the impression I get is that she's coming home as it were. Now. Mrs. Stoddard and Amy just set it up for the lung brat to kill Maggie. They obviously know Julia is an enemy. Julia knows that they know. What on earth would make her return to Collinwood?
